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Supporting New Moms and Families
Thank you for coming back to Life Bringing Doula Blog. This weeks topic is a little offshoot or continuation of last weeks blog!
My last blog was about lack of encouragement towards pregnant women; not only have we started discouraging new and expecting moms, but we have failed to support them postpartum. As a society we love to visit the baby after it’s born, but we sometimes forget about the mom. Visits can be written off as helping the family, but we need to make sure to help the family in the way they need help most.
We cannot forget the mom and all she has gone through in labor and delivery. Her body has just endured an immense amount of pain, and gone through physical, mental, emotional, and hormonal changes. Mom needs to spend several days/weeks postpartum bonding with baby and time healing.
In order for mom to be able to best bond with baby, visitors can be limited. That does not mean family and friends cannot go over and see the new family once baby is born, but it is about being conscious as you go over. Give the family a few days to adjust before heading over, unless asked to go early. And be aware of how much time you spend there. Do not overstay a welcome or expect mom or dad to host you while you are there. But most importantly, don’t just visit, help.
Help can look different for everyone. Some find it helpful for others to watch the baby while they sleep, workout, shower, go shopping, etc. Others find it helpful for the visitors to cook, do laundry, clean dishes, vacuum, mop, or go shopping for them so mom can bond with the baby.
It’s important to help moms and families how they need help. It can be very tempting to want to hold and snuggle with the baby when visiting, but it’s also important to remember the mom needs the bonding time more. Spend time wisely with baby and focus on mom’s needs. Most importantly, don’t let the only help you offer be to hold the baby while mom does the work.
The best way I’ve heard it recently is “hold the mom, not the baby”. 20% of women experience debilitation psychological symptoms after delivery, and that’s not including the 80% of women who experience some form of baby blues postpartum. Going over immediately after birth could potentially add onto these symptoms. Care for the mother and make sure she is ok first. Personalized care for mom is the bare minimum of what we can do for her as a society.
Not only does mom need to be with baby, but baby needs to be with mom too. Bonding with mom helps babies regulate their temperature and nervous system, and feeding cues can be spotted easier when with mom. We should all join together around mom with the expectation of keeping baby in her arms as long as possible.
In order for new moms and families to express how they need help the best, they may set up boundaries around visits and rules around holding baby. Don’t be offended by this. It is not a personal attack against visitors, but something that may need to be done to keep mom and baby in a healthy space. Remember it’s about the new family, not about you.
Let’s re write the script for how we support women during pregnancy and postpartum, and come together as a society to encourage others!
Thank you for your continued support in my new business and endeavors and I cannot wait to share more with you. If you would like to purchase any stickers, the store on my website with all my stickers I have designed is now up and running! Or if you would like a free consultation, have any questions, or just have something to say, feel free to reach out to me by my contacts page, email, or text. I look forward to where we will go together.
