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Why You Should Not Ask a Woman if She's Pregnant
Today I will dive into why you should not ask a woman if she is pregnant. This blog comes from not only personal experience, but also pain I’ve heard from others. I write this blog not knowing your relationship with the woman, but unless you are the woman’s partner/husband, my opinion stands the same.
I have heard the pain in women’s voices before as they share that their family asks if they are pregnant. There is pain because they are struggling with infertility. I have heard the annoyance as women share their friends ask, because they aren’t ready to share their big news yet. It does not matter how close you think you are to a woman, in my opinion it is not ok to ask a woman if she is pregnant.
For starters, you may not know her story. Maybe she isn’t ready to share that she is trying to get pregnant in fear of judgement from others. Maybe she doesn’t want to share incase she struggles with infertility. Maybe she doesn’t want to share because she doesn’t want a thousand questions of “are you pregnant yet” or “how’s it going”. Even if you know a woman is trying to conceive, asking “are you pregnant yet” can rub salt in a wound.
If you do not know a woman’s whole story then you may be asking the most painful question ever. If she or her husband are struggling with infertility then asking if she is pregnant is a reminder of what she is striving so much for but cannot achieve.
Many women choose not to share about pregnancy until 12 weeks because it decreases the risk of miscarriage. A woman might have just had a miscarriage and asking if she is pregnant could be a reminder to the life she just lost.
In congruence with the previous point, many women aren’t ready to share about their pregnancy until 12 weeks or their second trimester. By asking “are you pregnant”, you could be putting them in an uncomfortable position. They may not want to lie, but they also might not be ready to share the news yet. A woman will tell you when she is ready. And let’s not forget that many couples like to share their big news in a fun or cute way. By asking if a woman is pregnant you are taking away the opportunity to share the news in the way they wanted.
Now this reason does not apply to everyone, but could be an issue. What if a couple didn’t talk about having kids before they got married, or are on different pages. Then asking if a woman is pregnant can bring up the wounds from the debates about having kids at all. I am a strong advocate for talking about if a couple wants kids within the first few dates, but that is not a universal rule or thought process.
All of these reasons also apply to the question “when are you planning on having kids”. But I hate this question for another reason. I was asked several times but several different family members at my sisters wedding if I was pregnant yet. Her wedding was only 8 weeks after mine. First of all we will go back to the point that it is no ones business but mine and my husbands. Second, let a couple live in the moment. I had just got married a mere 8 weeks ago. Why the push for the next thing? We were enjoying the newlywed phase and didn’t see the need to rush onto the next phase.
A woman or couple will share their big news with you when they are comfortable sharing. If they haven’t shared, it’s because they don’t want to yet. Don’t think that your relationship with the woman entitles you to know any information. When she is ready to share, she will. Other than that, it’s none of your business.
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